Monday, July 25, 2016

Michael A. Arnzen

MISCALCULATED

Math is an accessory
to my murder—
I know, because I committed
the perfectly calculated crime:
I timed the death stroke
by positioning the
rope and rifle, rigged
precisely with pulleys so that
when he swung open the door
its arc drew an imaginary
semicircle—
pi*r-squaring the tension
to perfectly pull the trigger
and send a bullet
to complete the equation
in his brain at exactly the moment
he realizes my revenge was in his face.
But I hadn't figured
the cops were already
surrounding the area,
manning the entire circumference
as they encircled me
with fourteen, maybe thirty
more, uniforms. But no matter
how I ran the numbers,
I still couldn't solve
the primary problem:
whichever way I ran,
they had me in their scopes,
the shot range always already
triangulated.


Mike reads "Miscalculated":



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Mike confesses: "Back around 'pi day' (3/14), I had math on the brain, and 'Miscalculated' was one of the dark results. It's rife with little math jokes. I think I have always found the 'shotgun trap at the door' trick an interesting murder method in crime fiction, but in this case imagining the geometry of what is involved with it all brought me to something a little different. It's a sick poem, but justice is served, I hope, in an ironic way."


MICHAEL A. ARNZEN has won four Bram Stoker Awards for his often funny, always disturbing horror fiction and poetry. He teaches full-time in the MFA in Writing Popular Fiction program at Seton Hill University, and lives near Pittsburgh with his wife and cats. His award-winning "best of" collection, Proverbs for Monsters, is soon to be re-released by Dark Regions Press in ebook format, and a non-fiction study, The Popular Uncanny, is coming soon from Guide Dog Books, too. To keep up with his madness and receive new weird poetry in your inbox, sign up for The Goreletter at his website, http://gorelets.com.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Zazzle Review

Previously I detailed moving from CafePress to Zazzle to re-open the Five-Two gift shop. This morning, Zazzle offered me a $5 coupon to write reviews of the samples I ordered gearing up to open the shop. That led me to also post a video review:




And here's frequent contributor Charles Rammelkamp wearing his Zazzle shirt:



Through Monday, July 25, use coupon code JULYXMASDEAL for 20% off.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Craig Faustus Buck

IS IT SO HARD?

Is it so hard to pass up the wedding ring
she left by the soap dish in the bathroom?
Is it so hard to pass up the opportunity?
Is it so hard to avoid lifting it? Slipping it in my pocket?
Is it so hard to act like a loving newlywed instead of
working the angle against my wife of two days?
Is it so hard to say Dear,
you left your ring on the sink instead of
making her feel like shit for losing it
so I can pawn it?
Is it so hard to make love to her instead of
smacking her around
to teach her not to lose what I give her?
Why does she have to make it so hard?


Craig reads "Is it So Hard?":



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Craig confesses: "I was watching the TV news, thinking about a battered wife in my next novel. Donald Trump came on and, as he usually does, tried to shift his own blame to the victim of one of his blunders. It occurred to me that this was exactly what my wife-beater would do."


Author/screenwriter CRAIG FAUSTUS BUCK's debut noir novel, Go Down Hard, was published by Brash Books in 2015. His short stories have won a Macavity Award and been nominated for two Anthonys and the Derringer. He is president of Mystery Writers of America SoCal chapter. You can find out more at CraigFaustusBuck.com