Monday, May 4, 2015

Elizabeth Lash


The only correct answer to the question of "Star Wars or Star Trek," geeks,
is that both are different, but Star Wars is better.
To you naysayers, only the criminally insane would factor in the Prequel.
The infamous Trilogy.

I mean, Jar Jar Binks is a Jabberwocky,
And the menace of the film isn't phantom-like, only bad.
We weren't meant to see Yoda fight, or R2D2 fly through the air.

I bided my time, hoping one day such madness would die,
and we would forget about new franchises.
But instead, darkness was re-awakened. The 7th episode was filmed.
A disturbance in the Force, I sensed.

As a daughter of this galaxy, I realized,
balance had to be re-established.
The dark force had to be conquered, yet again.
So papparazzi were paid - and
Paths were figured for waylaying.

And on the appointed, anointed day,
I casually waited behind the old Jedi in Starbucks.
(I wasn't afraid - fear is the path to the dark side.)

"George," I said, by way of introduction, "I'm such a fan."
As he turned away with his coffee, wearing mask-like sunglasses,
I saw, at light speed, my opportunity evaporating.

"Lucas, you are the father of these films!” I yelled,
"Stop heeding the need for cash and destroy them!"
He threw his coffee at me and turned to run.
So I slashed him with my light saber to stop him.

Suddenly, he lay sprawled across the floor, unmoving.
“Oh, no. You're no good to me dead,” I said, and
Poked his shoulder with the sword—
But still he lay there.

As they took me away, I thought,
Oh shit--there goes the planet.
Now they’ll never stop making these damn films.

Elizabeth reads "Star Wars: Dark Forces Re-Awaken (For a 7th Time):

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Elizabeth confesses: "Thinking about Star Wars took me straight back to my childhood days of lying on the floor, chin in hands, watching a forest chase scene with rapt attention. But as much as I loved the original series, the later series seemed like a parody of itself. Thus, in light of yet another film in this franchise, I was inspired by the thought of creating a noble (if crazy) heroine who attempts to rescue us from the world’s terrible sequels and prequels."

ELIZABETH LASH is an attorney who, although she primarily drafts legal documents, equally enjoys writing on a broad variety of topics. Her articles have been published by the Center for Art Law, the Holy Cross Journal of Law and Public Policy, Transparency International, the Engineering News-Record, and, among others.

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