Folks, never let it be said that Donald J. Trump
doesn’t know how to sacrifice for his country.
So I’m announcing, right here, right now,
that you get to choose on my new TV show—
American Sacrifice—which of my five children
will have his or her heart plucked out
by a Mayan priest hired at top dollar, atop
a pyramid built to exacting specifications
and authenticity, by my construction crews:
Will it be my oldest, the next in line to run
and rule my business empire, Donald, Jr.?
Will it be Ivanka, possibility the sharpest
of my kids, and a world class hottie?
Will it be Eric, the last of my children
with that bitch Ivana, who took me for everything
she could get her crimson talons on?
Or how about Tiffany, not the brightest bulb,
but another world class babe-and-a-half?
And last but not least, my youngest son, Barron:
nine-years-old and the spitting image of his dad,
and so much to live for, unless you say different?
Now it's your turn, folks; using your smartphones,
you decide, and I’ll give a speech on how noble
it is to make the supreme sacrifice for the country
I love even more than I do my own flesh and blood.
Gerald So reads "Trump's Sacrifice":
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Cooperman confesses: "'Trump's Sacrifice' was inspired by the candidate's whining that the Khans had viciously attacked him (oh give me a break!) at the Democratic convention. He further whined that he'd made lots of sacrifices, but all they amounted to was his making a fortune on his building projects. So I figured I'd take him at his word about his sacrifices: here one of his children, for his political ambitions."