Rachel Lynn McGuire

NOT FOR VEGAS

Stephen Paddock was 64.
I can't help but wonder
How old will I be
when I finally snap?

No history of mental illness.
No religious affiliation.
Just a white millionaire
who chose mass homicide.

That feels like me.
The only evidence of
my violence is
a sea of strange poetry.

I confess this to my Lover.
He says, "Babe,
you're bigger than this.
You have so much love to give.

But it's ok if you can't
love with open hands today.
That just means today you need
to be loved with open hands."

My Lover is God for me,
and all this grace is what I need.
The wretch who takes a tragedy
and makes it all about Me. Me. Me.

My Lover doesn't fault me for this.
He just loves me. He just listens.
I let the grace wash away the crisis.
The gratitude helps me begin again.


Rachel reads "Not for Vegas":



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Rachel confesses: "The poem itself is a confession of my homicidal impulses. I fear my own capacity for violence. This poem is an honest description of my reaction to the October 1st, 2017 Las Vegas shooting."

RACHEL LYNN MCGUIRE lives in a small commune in Richmond, Virginia with her polyamorous family and their seven children. Her poetry has appeared in The Five-Two and Five 2 One Magazine.

Rachel Lynn McGuire

FOR PARIS

I won't do anything for Paris
Just like I didn't do anything for Beirut

I'm just trying to put my kids to bed.
Fold the laundry. Write a grocery list.

I won't do anything for Paris
Just like I didn't do anything after 9/11

I said to my friend during recess,
"Don't planes crash all the time?"

I won't do anything for Paris
I can't. Do you understand?

Paris is not just Paris.
ISIS is not the enemy.

We
kill each other.

I have it in me.
My children have it.

Humanity.
Murder.

I won't do anything for Paris
I can't.

I can't even stop my own children from growing up to be murderers.
I can't even stop myself.


Rachel Lynn reads "For Paris":



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Rachel Lynn confesses: "People changed their Facebook profile pictures to display the colors of the French flag in a show of solidarity. Other people were angry that the Paris attacks garnered so much sympathy while the bombings in Beirut the day before were largely ignored. I had a different reaction."

RACHEL LYNN MCGUIRE lives in Richmond, Virginia with her husband and three children. Her poems have appeared in The Five-Two and Five2One Magazine.

Day 3: Thinking With My Skin

Longtime friend of The Lineup and The 5-2 Bill Cameron reflects on "For Newtown" by Rachel Lynn McGuire on Day 3 of 30 Days of The 5-2.

Rachel Lynn McGuire

FOR NEWTOWN

find the candles. light them
find the pictures. bring them
find the flowers

all their favorite flowers
all the flowers in the world if
that's what it takes

and find the mothers
the crying mothers who just
want their babies back. hold them

find the blood in your own veins
see that it is red red human blood that
we all bleed

find the thump thump of your own heartbeat
and be grateful that today
was not the day you died


Rachel Lynn reads "For Newtown":



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Rachel Lynn confesses: "We, who were not the parents and teachers directly affected by the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting, could only do so much to show solidarity with and support for the victims and their families. This poem is an expression of what little I felt I could do at the time."

RACHEL LYNN MCGUIRE teaches math in Richmond, Virginia where she lives with her husband and daughter.