Catherine Wald

BETTER CALL YAHWEH

In trouble with the law? Looking for a missing crook or shiftless dame? Sign on with the best P.I. in the cosmos:

• Excellent poker face.
• Sees and knows everything.
• Connected back to the beginning of time.
• Experienced in evasion, interrogation, enforcement, chastisement.
• Money-back guarantee, no expiration date.

Why wait? I’ll be around forever. You won’t. Call 1-800-HIREGOD now!


Thomas Pluck reads "Better Call Yahweh":



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Cathy confesses: "I’ve been reading a lot of detective novels lately, and it struck me that many of the noir private investigators have God-like attitudes and personas. From there, it was an easy leap to 'God, P.I.'"

CATHERINE WALD is an Amherst Writers & Artists-certified workshop leader with more than twenty years experience. Visit her website, www.catherinewald.com, to learn more.

Jack Bates

SUSPECT HAS A HISTORY

TWO-TWENTY-THREE
ARE YOU CLEAR?
OVER

Two-twenty-three
Copy
Headed west on Hollywood
Over

TWO-TWENTY-THREE
RESPOND TO ADDRESS
OVER

Two-twenty-three
Copy
Suspect
inside address
Over

TWO-TWENTY-THREE
BE ADVISED: SUSPECT HAS A HISTORY
OVER


And over
It goes

Different perp
Different crime
All the same

Night after night
Over and over


TWO-TWENTY-THREE
SUSPECT IS ARMED WITH A
KNIFE
OVER

Two-twenty-three
Copy
Awaiting backup
Over

TWO-TWENTY-THREE
BE ADVISED: SUSPECT HAS A HISTORY
OVER

Two-twenty-three
Copy
Backup has arrived
Over


And out
Of the car
Into the house
Full of children
Big, frightened eyes
Filled with tears
You gonna shoot my daddy?


TWO-TWENTY-THREE
SUSPECT ON FOOT
OVER

Two-twenty-three
Copy
Suspect
now in custody
Over


But it's not
Never will be

Suspect has a history
And history repeats


Alison Dasho, Thomas Pluck, and Gerald So perform "Suspect Has a History":



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Jack confesses: "Over on Google+, Christa Faust posted a link for youarelistening.to/losangeles. I had it on and was catching snippets of police calls mixed with music. A 2-2-3 actually means traffic lights are out, but my mind was wandering over a story I'd been trying to write."

JACK BATES writes with bloody knuckles. He has an ongoing series about a slacker PI in Detroit. A couple of his stories have appeared in anthologies like Discount Noir and Grimm Tales. Check him out at his blog: http://flashjab.blogspot.com/