Robert Cooperman

AN OPEN LETTER FROM A FUNERAL DIRECTOR TO THE ANTI-VAXXERS

I thank you all! Business is booming,
cases rising like Hurricane Katrina
from so many refusing to wear masks,
claiming they’re immortal, or the virus
is a hoax, so a big shout-out to the crew at FOX,
from Murdoch down to good ole Tuck.

Don’t go blaming me: I haven’t
infected anyone, just taken advantage
of imbeciles who had no problem
taking the flu seriously enough
to get vaccinated, but Covid?
If their god, Donald, tells them
it’s nothing to worry about,
they’ll believe any crap
that flim-flam artist shovels at them.

When I was a kid, I loved Bugs Bunny.

“What a maroon!” he’d smirk
after befuddling Elmer Fudd.
Now, enough maroons get wheeled
in here for me to send our kids
to the most expensive colleges.

And Marie can go on the shopping spree
of a lifetime: but online, no way I’ll let her
into a brick and mortar Nieman-Marcus.
Fools believe it’s safe to mingle; I know better.


Gerald So's YouTube video reading of "An Open Letter...":



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Bob confesses: "It struck me that mortuaries must be making out like bandits, during the pandemic. So this poem was my paean to human idiocy and fecklessness. If you don't believe in Covid, Covid believes in you. And if you think the government shouldn't tell you what to do, sometimes the government, like Mom, knows best."


ROBERT COOPERMAN's latest collection is The Ghosts and Bones of Troy (Aldrich Press). Forthcoming from Apprentice House is Go Play Outside, which chronicles Cooperman's lifelong one-way love affair with basketball. Also just available is the chapbook, All Our Fare-Thee-Wells from Finishing Line Press.